Q: How do you know a blonde's been using your computer?
A: There's white-out on your screen!

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a handgrenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back!

There was this blonde who was always being teased at the office about how dumb she was.She decided to prove to them that she wasn't so dumb after all so she studied all weekend and when she got to work on Monday announced: "I know the capitols of all the provinces!" "Oh, sure", replied one of her officemates,"then what's the capitol of Ontario?"The blonde proudly replied,"O".

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the third grade together.
Q: Which one can vote?
A: The blonde, she's 18!

Q: What's a blonde doing when she holds her hands up to her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought!

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She kept throwing out all the W's !

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables !

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear !

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9 !

Q: How did the blonde die ice-fishing?
A: She was run over by the Zambonis machine !

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreteur

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel !

Q: How do a blonde's brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday !

Q: What are the worst six years of a blonde's life?
A: The third grade.

Two blondes were lost in the wilderness, and they came upon some tracks. One blonde said, "Those look like deer tracks," and the other blonde said, "No, they look more like moose tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Q: Why shouldn't blondes be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q:How can you tell if a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?
A: By the "M&M" shells on the counter top.

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for a week?
A: Hand her a box of "M&M"'s and have her alphabetize them.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q:How do you keep a blonde occupied for weeks?
A:Give her a piece of paper that says "please turn over" on both sides.

A gorgeous, tall blonde boards an airplane, bound for Chicago, gets to first class, finds a seat, plops down, spreads her glamour magazines around her and gets real comfy! The flight attendent aproaches her and says, "I'm sorry, Miss, but your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back to row 18. The blonde looks at her in complete amazement and says, "I dont think so...I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm flying to Chicago and I'm sitting right here!" So the flight attendant gets her supervisor, and she approaches the blonde saying, "Im really sorry, but you DO have to move to row 18. Your ticket is for coach, and this is first class. These seats are reserved for other passengers".To which the blonde replies..."Not a chance, hon...I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm flying to Chicago and I'm staying right where I am at!!" In complete exasperation, the supervisor goes to the flight cabin and speaks with the Captain. After a few minutes, he emerges and walks directly to the blonde, leans over and whispers into her ear. She IMMEDIATLEY jumps up, gathers her things, and moves back to row 18 in coach. The flight attendants are stunned that he was able to do this with such ease and inquire, "What on earth did you do to make her move"?! "Oh, it was really quite easy", replies the captain. " I simply whispered to her that first class wasn't going to Chicago".

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice." And can you tell us your height, please?". The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag.She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!". This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!". The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?" "Ohh that!", replies the blonde,"That's just me running through'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....'.

Q:Why can't blondes become pharmacists?
A:Because they can't figure out how to get those little bottles into the typewriter.

Thanks to Susan for this one :
"This actually happened - I have blonde hair and drive a BMW. When I was getting gas about a month ago, a man was pumping gas close to me and said:"Do you know why blondes drive BMW's????" I said "Why?" Then he said.."'Cause they know how to spell it!!"

(From Christy , another blonde)A man's desk was next to a blonde woman's at work, and since he was new he didn't say much to her , but he noticed that she always wore a headset. One day he asked her why . She replied , "My boyfriend said if I take it off I'll die." The man said , "Oh my! What does it say?" She said , "Here you listen for a second." The headset repeated over and over.. "breath in , breath out , breathe in..."

(From Darcy)There were three blonde ladies walking down the beach, and they find what they believe to be a magic lamp. So, they rub it to see if it really is. Just as they rub it a genie pops out and say's that he'll give them each one wish. So the first girl says "I want to be really smart ", and she turn into a brunette. The second girl says " I want to be even smarter than her "', and she turned into a redhead. The third girl said " I want to just change this whole wish thing around, I want to be even dumber than I am now ", and she turns into a man ".

(Also From Darcy)There was a young blond on vacation traveling in her car with her friend, they were going to Vegas to gamble. Along the way, they stopped at a rest stop to get gas and use the rest rooms.The blonde had brought a pocket full of quarters with her for the casino. Anyways, while her friend was still in the bathroom, she found a machine. She wasn't quite sure what it was for so she wanted to figure it out. She put a quarter in and out came a soda. She did the same thing over and over and each time out came a soda. She got all excited and she just was beside herself thinking, "Wow, I sure hope Vegas has lots of these machines, they're so fun". A couple minutes later her friend comes out and says " C'mon, let's go". And the girl says, " Not yet, I'm WINNING !!!!!!!"

(From Dan)A lady is driving down a dirt road in the country in her convertible. Coming around a bend she is forced to stop and wait as a flock of sheep crosses the road. The old shepherd is quietly standing at the edge of the road waiting for his flock to cross. The woman, seeing the sheep, turns to the shepherd and says, "Oooo, I just LUUUUV sheep, they are so cute. If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock in one try, will you let me have one?" The shepherd is rather surprised but nods in agreement. The lady quickly scans the flock and tells the shepherd that there are exactly 1,423 sheep. Once the shepherd picks his jaw up off the ground he grudgingly agrees that the woman may have a sheep. She quickly bounds out of the car and rushes over to pick out the sheep she had been eyeing ever since she came around the bend. The shepherd stops the lady as she gets back into her car, "Give me a chance to win him back," pleads the shepherd. The woman agrees... after all, fair is fair. The shepherd says, "If I can guess your actual hair color in just one attempt...can I have him back?" The woman thinks this is a fair bet and says so. The shepherd says simply "You, ma'ame are a blonde". The woman is shocked and poutingly says, "How did you ever guess? I have spent so much time and money making myself a brunette, I didn't ever think anybody would be able to guess." The shepherd just shakes his head and says, "Whatever lady, now can I have my dog back ?"

(From Laurel Villas) Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three shots of tequilla. He looks at them and says "OK" and pours their shots. They all clink glasses and yell "51 days!" Then they proceed to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied. They look back to the bartender and decide to order another round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell "51 days!" The bartender finally can't stand wondering what they are talking about and asks them what they mean by 51 days. One of the blondes looks at him and says "Well," looking very smug. "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us only 51 days. And on the box it said 2-4 years"

(Also from Laurel Villas) A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because... that's a microwave," he replied.

(From Caroline Garcia) A blonde and a brunette are walking down the sidewalk one day. The brunette says sadly, "Awwww, a dead bird..". The blonde looks up and says, "Where?!?"

(from Jeff.) This blonde goes in for a job interview. The interviewer sees the blonde and exclaims "Oh No, not another blonde!, they never work out ! I always end up firing them. Theres no way I'm going to hire you!" The blonde woman ( a bit confused) tells the interviewer, "Oh please sir, I really need the job !" The interviewer, ( a real softy at heart) says "Okay, I'll tell you what, I'll ask you three questions, then give you five minutes to come up with the answers. First question, How many days of the week start with "T" ?, second, How many seconds are in a year ?, and lastly, How many "D's" in "Rudolph the Red Nosed Riendeer" ? You have five minutes. The interviewer left and the blonde pondered the questions. Five minutes went by, and the interviewer returned. "Okay, what are your answers. How many days of the week start with "T"? " The blonde answers "Two, today and tomorrow." The interviewer nods his head and says "Okay, I wasn't specific, I'll give you that one. Now how many seconds in a year?" "Twelve." the blonde replies, "There's a second of each month and twelve months." Once again the interviewer nods and says "Okay. Now the third question, How many D's in "Rudolph the Red Nosed Riendeer" ? "2,345" says the blonde. The interviewer falls on the floor laughing. "I can see I won't be hiring you.", says the interviewer," How did you ever come up with such a rediculous answer?" The blonde replies..."Dee Dee, Dee Dee Dee, Dee Dee......."(sung to the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Riendeer")

From Kathi...Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.

(from Darcy)...Q. What makes this sound?....Vrrrrrmmmm....Errrrrrrttttt.... Vrrrrrmmm....Errrrtttt...Vrrrrrmmmm....Errrrrrrttttt....
A. A Blonde at a blinking red light.